Night Night Bubba (Part 2)

Ok, I know that in Part 1 I said that Part 2 would be a post about "all the long stretches of sleep we're getting", and there is some of that going on, but it turns out that Zora is now a better sleeper than me. Luckily, I do have some experience (from my pre-mama days) in getting myself to sleep better, so I do have some tricks up my sleeves.  Now that I don't have to spend all my time obsessing about how to get my toddler to sleep, I can focus on things that will get mama to sleep better: chamomile tea, stretching in the evening (to avoid the Jimmy Legs), minimizing screen time before bed, and going to bed early!

The night-weaning seemed to help for most of the night, but that 4am-6am period was still kind of brutal for me. The bananas worked for a few weeks, but after a while it was clear that it was less about hunger and more about still needing that connection. She started refusing the bananas and just asking to nurse. I decided that after 6am I would nurse her, but I'm sure to Zora it seemed totally arbitrary--"bubba's resting", then "ok, now you can nurse". I knew we needed something else to help her to figure out when it was time to sleep and when it was time to nurse. I needed something as well, since I found the nursing time slowly creeping earlier and earlier--"Oh, it's 5:45, that's almost 6, let's just nurse..."

Well, thanks to my friend Kristin (awesome and creative mama of 3 adorable little girls, over at Intrepid Murmurings), I discovered the Good Nite Lite. If you can get over the fact that they call it a "behavioral modification night light", it's actually really cool. In addition, the fact that it's making that 4am-6am period more bearable for us--it's totally worth the $35!

Here's the way it works for us: The first night, I explained to Zora that the night light has a blue moon and a yellow sun, and that when we see the blue moon, it means it is time to sleep. When we see the yellow sun it means it is time to wake up, and have bubba. I set the timer so that the moon would turn on about 15 minutes before bedtime, and the sun would turn on at 6am.  Zora seemed to understand the concept right away, though it did still take some time for her to accept waiting for that sun to turn on.

After about a week, it's working really well. She actually gets really giddy when the sun turns on and says "Look, the sun! It's time for bubba!" What's nice though, is that if she is still sleeping at 6am, the yellow sun is not bright enough to wake her up, so the sleeping can continue.

As an unexpected bonus, the bedtime aficionado (Alex) tells me that this nightlight is making his job easier as well. As soon as the moon turns on, Zora hops into bed and is quickly asleep.

I'm well aware that physical and emotional complications which disrupt sleep are inevitable in the future, but for now I'm enjoying the restful nights, and trying not to take them for granted.

Night Night Bubba (Part 1)

Daytime nursing--which we continue

Extended breastfeeding (beyond one year) is not very common in western culture. I'm sure plenty of folks think I'm nutso because I'm still breastfeeding our 26-month-old. Trust me, there are plenty of way better reasons to think I'm nutso, and breastfeeding a two-, three- or four-year-old (and beyond) is actually quite normal in much of the rest of the world. Zora and my breastfeeding relationship has had highs and lows, but overall, I'm very happy with it. In the active, often crazy life spent with a toddler, there is nothing I find sweeter than settling down in a comfy chair and having her big eyes gaze up at me as she nurses. If possible, I will be doing baby (or rather toddler)-led weaning. For now, she's still going strong, so we continue.

Night time is another issue. I haven't really had much good sleep since Zora was born. The first year was pretty terrible, though I somehow managed to function. Zora was (and still is) sleeping in our bed, and would nurse very often at night. Though I wished for more sleep, I was ok with the nighttime nursing, since I knew that not nursing at night would not necessarily guarantee that we would have any fewer wakings--not to mention that other methods of getting her back to sleep took far more energy than rolling over and whipping out a boob!

During her second year, I considered night-weaning from time-to-time, though it was almost like Zora was stringing me along. Every time sleep got so bad that I felt that night-weaning was the only solution left, sleep would get better for a period, and I would put it off. Some may wonder why in the world would I put something off that could possibly lead to better sleep. Well, when you're getting really crappy sleep, it's difficult to motivate yourself to do something that will make your sleep crappier before it possibly makes it better. When sleep would improve, I didn't want to upset anything, since I was enjoying the additional sleep. Every time I wondered if perhaps Zora's sleep patterns would settle on their own, and night-weaning would become unnecessary. And around and around I would go.

Somewhere around 2 years, I decided that I wanted to try night-weaning to see if it could improve our sleep. It was again put on hold due to changes going on in Zora's life to which I didn't want to add: a new bedtime routine, a family vacation, a cold, and relentless and seemingly endless teething. I did, however write a little book for Zora (Night Night Bubba) so that we could read it together and talk about what I was planning. She ended up loving the book, and we read it over and over for a few weeks. Finally, when things settled down a bit, I picked a night and just went for it. I had originally planned on using this night-weaning plan, but in the end decided that it required too much brain power--of which I have so little (due to lack of sleep). Instead, I would just talk with Zora about it during the day, and then offer her other kinds of comfort when she would wake at night (rubbing her back, singing, telling stories, sips of water, etc.). The first night brought lots of tears (she was never left alone during these tears--I was always there with her) and Zora clawing at my shirt the first two times she woke up. There were fewer tears the following couple of nights, and by night #4, she would pretty consistently go back to sleep after taking a little sip of water and snuggling with me. She has continued to wake frequently though.

We have done 9 nights of this, and here's what our nights have looked like so far...
 **For all of these nights, Zora fell asleep (with Papa) sometime between 7:45 and 8pm**
Night #1: Woke at 9pm, 12am, 2:30am, 4:30am (nursed) and 6:30am (for the day)
Night #2: Woke at 12:30am, 2:30am, 4:30am (nursed) and 6:30am
Night #3: Woke frequently between 12am and 2:30am, when I finally nursed her. Woke again at 4am (nursed), 6am (nursed) and 7am
Night #4: Woke at 12:30am, 2:30am, 4am (nursed), 6am
Night #5: Woke at 12am, 2am, 4am, 5am (nursed), 6am
Night #6: Woke at 12am, 2:30am, restless between 4:30 & 6am, 7am
Night #7: Woke at 10pm (needed to pee), 4:30am (nursed), restless between 4:30 and 5:30am, 7:30am
Night #8: Woke at 11pm (needed to pee), 2:30am, 5am (nursed), 7am
Night #9: Woke at 9:30 (arrrgh!), 2:30am, 5am (nursed), 6:30am

I am nursing her in the early morning, since I can tell she's on the brink of waking up for the day, and if I nurse her then, I buy myself a couple more hours of sleep. I would be more than ok with one feeding a night (or early in the morning), but perhaps I'll have to experiment with taking this nursing session out as well. I labeled this post a "Part 1", because I'm hopeful that there will be a "Part 2" sometime in the future, where I will be writing about all the long stretches of sleep we're getting. A girl can dream...

Hello Z, goodbye yoga!

Welcome Zora!

Here's one more background post, before I return to the present. I know, it's kind of like a bad movie that keeps jumping around in time. Sorry about that!

On Sunday, November 16, 2008, Zora Rose Hoover Barchechat joined Alex and me in a tub in our living room, and decided to stay. Aside from all the hard work that had been put into getting her here, she was quite cute and cuddly too. We were thrilled. It's not recommended to start Ashtanga again for 3 months after giving birth. This was fine with me, since for the first several weeks after Zora was born, I didn't even think about yoga. When she was about 6 weeks old (before the 3 months!), I did try to practice once, but it definitely didn't feel right for my body, so I stopped.

I did try to start again at around 5 months, but there always seemed to be something standing in my way. For one, I was often completely sleep-deprived. Zora would wake to nurse every 30-60 minutes, and though she was in our bed, so I didn't have to get up, I would still be woken up. Zora was also not too crazy about being set down, so one of us was pretty much always wearing her (usually me)--not conductive to a yoga practice. So I waited some more.

Over Zora's first two years, I started my practice several times--and each time it fizzled out. It was so difficult to practice at home, since Zora would always want to play with me. If we closed the door to the yoga room (yes, we have an entire room devoted to yoga--an advantage to being minimalists), she would pound on the door, wanting in. For a few weeks, when she was around 18 months old, I practiced with her around and she would want to nurse about every 3 minutes--again, not conductive to a yoga practice--especially a vinyasa style yoga.

I have many, many flaws, but one positive trait I have is patience Each time my practice would fizzle out, I decided it was not the right time for me, and I waited.

I knew that practicing outside of the home would be a possibility, but I had not practiced in a yoga shala since Katrina (click for that story), and I didn't think I'd be comfortable practicing with a group of people. Enter BP. No, not the oil spill, but a very good friend of mine who has an adorable baby boy, E, who is 4 months younger than Zora. BP started learning Ashtanga from Alex a few months after E was born. She would periodically come to our house and practice, but once her work schedule and Alex's work schedule no longer synced, she started searching for a studio. There was one not too far from her house (and ours) that offered Ashtanga classes, so BP decided to try it. She invited me to the Sunday led-class, but I was resistant at first since I strongly prefer mysore classes--especially if my practice is feeling "weak". I was also weary of practicing with a new teacher. Finally, I decided to try it out, and felt much less nervous since I would be showing up with BP (I can be painfully shy and socially awkward).

It is now 3.5 months later, and I am still managing to get to the shala twice a week. This is a far cry from the 6-day-a-week practice I had before, but it also beats the no-practice practice I've had over the past two years! The teacher, SP, has a style very reminiscent of Kiran and Nancy. She has been totally supportive of me adding postures back slowly and gently, while also pushing me at times. I started out doing half of the primary series, and fairly quickly added on the rest of the postures, and the longer closing sequence. For the past two months, I've been adding the intermediate postures and I now go as far as parshva dhanurasana. BP and I go together every Sunday to the led class, and I love being able to do that with a friend--very motivating! Next Friday, which is New Year's Eve, there will be a shala breakfast after the mysore class. Alex and Zora will be joining us for the breakfast, as well as BP's family. I love feeling part of a yoga community again!