Hello Z, goodbye yoga!

Welcome Zora!

Here's one more background post, before I return to the present. I know, it's kind of like a bad movie that keeps jumping around in time. Sorry about that!

On Sunday, November 16, 2008, Zora Rose Hoover Barchechat joined Alex and me in a tub in our living room, and decided to stay. Aside from all the hard work that had been put into getting her here, she was quite cute and cuddly too. We were thrilled. It's not recommended to start Ashtanga again for 3 months after giving birth. This was fine with me, since for the first several weeks after Zora was born, I didn't even think about yoga. When she was about 6 weeks old (before the 3 months!), I did try to practice once, but it definitely didn't feel right for my body, so I stopped.

I did try to start again at around 5 months, but there always seemed to be something standing in my way. For one, I was often completely sleep-deprived. Zora would wake to nurse every 30-60 minutes, and though she was in our bed, so I didn't have to get up, I would still be woken up. Zora was also not too crazy about being set down, so one of us was pretty much always wearing her (usually me)--not conductive to a yoga practice. So I waited some more.

Over Zora's first two years, I started my practice several times--and each time it fizzled out. It was so difficult to practice at home, since Zora would always want to play with me. If we closed the door to the yoga room (yes, we have an entire room devoted to yoga--an advantage to being minimalists), she would pound on the door, wanting in. For a few weeks, when she was around 18 months old, I practiced with her around and she would want to nurse about every 3 minutes--again, not conductive to a yoga practice--especially a vinyasa style yoga.

I have many, many flaws, but one positive trait I have is patience Each time my practice would fizzle out, I decided it was not the right time for me, and I waited.

I knew that practicing outside of the home would be a possibility, but I had not practiced in a yoga shala since Katrina (click for that story), and I didn't think I'd be comfortable practicing with a group of people. Enter BP. No, not the oil spill, but a very good friend of mine who has an adorable baby boy, E, who is 4 months younger than Zora. BP started learning Ashtanga from Alex a few months after E was born. She would periodically come to our house and practice, but once her work schedule and Alex's work schedule no longer synced, she started searching for a studio. There was one not too far from her house (and ours) that offered Ashtanga classes, so BP decided to try it. She invited me to the Sunday led-class, but I was resistant at first since I strongly prefer mysore classes--especially if my practice is feeling "weak". I was also weary of practicing with a new teacher. Finally, I decided to try it out, and felt much less nervous since I would be showing up with BP (I can be painfully shy and socially awkward).

It is now 3.5 months later, and I am still managing to get to the shala twice a week. This is a far cry from the 6-day-a-week practice I had before, but it also beats the no-practice practice I've had over the past two years! The teacher, SP, has a style very reminiscent of Kiran and Nancy. She has been totally supportive of me adding postures back slowly and gently, while also pushing me at times. I started out doing half of the primary series, and fairly quickly added on the rest of the postures, and the longer closing sequence. For the past two months, I've been adding the intermediate postures and I now go as far as parshva dhanurasana. BP and I go together every Sunday to the led class, and I love being able to do that with a friend--very motivating! Next Friday, which is New Year's Eve, there will be a shala breakfast after the mysore class. Alex and Zora will be joining us for the breakfast, as well as BP's family. I love feeling part of a yoga community again!

One more day with Nancy...

My modified Savasana

On Friday we got to go once more to Nancy's. It was Alex's day to be "on deck" with Zora, so I could practice in peace. We knew it wouldn't quite work out like that, since I'm the one with the "bubba" (boobs). We set Zora up between us, and she spent much of the time playing with her toys--which she was really excited to show to Nancy and Casie! My practice went well, and I was able to do the entire primary series. I decided not to push it and not continue onto the intermediate series. Zora also spent some time working on her adjustments, which often included climbing on me. My favorite posture to be adjusted in is baddha konasana, and just as Nancy headed over to adjust me, Zora beat her to it and climbed on my back. Nancy ended up still adjusting me, through Zora, by pushing on Zora's back. It was pretty funny!

As a bonus, Nancy invited us to her house for breakfast after mysore class. It was really interesting talking with her about her own daughter's childhood growing up around Ashtanga yoga. Nancy also introduced us to tahini and apple butter together on a bagel--I highly recommend this combination!

I so wish that Zora could regularly come with us to mysore classes, but it's not likely to work out where we live. I have been inspired, however, to practice more at home, with Zora around. I will still practice outside of the home, so my practice can continue to progress (and I can get back into the intermediate series), but I really see the value for Zora and for me having yoga be something we share. Today I practiced alone (Alex was out doing errands) in our Maui apartment with Zora there.  She stood with me during the prayer, then she went off to play with her blocks and "mans" (her little people). At one point I asked her to come give me an adjustment in a posture. She said "I'm busy playin', mama. One minute!" After a few minutes, she came over and put her hands on me in prasarita padottanasana A. It felt really nice. I only got through the standing postures, but it felt so good to have that connection with Zora. My "home shala" in Seattle will be closed until New Year's Eve, so I will definitely have the opportunity to experiment with more of a home practice when we return from Maui--in two days :-(

Z's First Mysore Class

Zora attended her first mysore class this morning. Just the fact that Zora (25 months tomorrow--or 2 years 1 month for those of you who don't like to count in months) was welcomed with open arms into Nancy's class adds to why I love Nancy Gilgoff so much! That's right, mysore with Nancy means that we're on Maui right now! Alex and I have attended a few of Nancy's workshops in various locations, and have always loved practicing with her. I truly feel blessed to know her and to have had my practice touched by her. It felt really special to practice at her shala.

When we let Nancy know we'd be in Maui, we told her that we both wanted a chance to practice at her shala, so we were planning on taking turns (one staying home with Zora while one went to the shala). Nancy said that her shala had seen many children and that Zora was more than welcome to join us. My home practice has been pretty much non-existent since Zora was born. I typically need to get out of the house if I want to do a full practice, so I didn't have high expectations, though I was willing to try. Alex and I decided that today I'd be "in charge" of Zora, meaning that I would practice, but if it was obviously not working out, I would stop my practice and take her out to play. Next time it will be Alex's turn.

When we arrived at the shala (after a wrong turn, but a very nice man with a wave tattoo on his shoulder set us straight--even though he insisted that he knew of no such yoga studio!), Nancy wasn't there yet, but several of her students were. They were all very friendly with Zora, and we set my mat up in the corner of the room and put out a few toys and books for her. Next Nancy's assistant Casie arrived, and gave us, and especially Zora, a very warm welcome. Then Nancy arrived, and it was really wonderful to see her again, and to get to introduce her an Zora to each other.

Zora "adjusting" me in baddha konasana at home

Zora and I played outside while the class did some meditation and then the opening prayer (which Zora totally recognized and wanted to go in and join them!). When they were all done, Nancy invited us back in, and I began my practice. For the first few minutes, Zora just sat and stared--dumbfounded! If you have never been in a mysore class, you should try it sometime. The energy is amazing. Zora has seen Alex practice quite a bit, and me somewhat, but she has never been in a room full of practitioners. The breath alone is a powerful force. Zora was also intrigued by Nancy and Casie who were walking around the room giving people adjustments. While I was in utthita parshvakonasana, Zora put her two hands on my hips and said "I'm holding you, Mama". It was the first adjustment I've received from her, aside from when she climbs on top of me during a posture. She also sat on my lap during navasana, which made the posture pretty much impossible. She told me "I want to sit in your boat", which is funny because navasana is the boat posture.

This was the first time I met Casie, and I immediately trusted her and felt comfortable with her adjustments. She has different adjustments from Nancy, but the energy is very similar, in that they are both very nurturing. Casie really won me over though, in the way she interacted with Zora. She was so sweet with her, and kept playing with Zora and talking with her (all the while, still going around the room and giving adjustments). I felt nervous a few times that Zora's chatter might be bothering some of the other practitioners, but Casie kept assuring me that it was fine. Zora is typically quite careful when on the back of my mat, and will ask "Are you jumping back, mama?", so she can get out of the way. Today though, Zora started doing her own jump-backs! She started off jumping back and landing on her knees (which seems like it would be painful, but she was fine), then Casie showed her how to land on her feet. It was really sweet!

After class, several of the students remarked how cute Zora was (who wouldn't think that?), and how fun it was having her in class. Nancy also mentioned how important she thinks it is to have kids in class from time to time so that the practitioners don't take themselves too seriously. As a parent, it feels really wonderful to have places where my daughter is welcome. We don't live in a very child-centered or parent-supported culture, so it's easy to feel like an inconvenience to others. I am grateful to have had this experience today.

My plan had been to make it through the sun salutations, and perhaps most of the standing postures, if things were going well with Zora. In the end, I made it all the way to supta kurmasana, before I knew it was time to start the closing (I did the short closing). I really can't believe I made it that far! Now, if I can only figure out how to get Nancy and Casie to our house every morning to adjust me and play with Zora--that would make for a really great home-practice!

The Stick Shows a Plus Sign!

On Thursday, April 17th, 2008, I peed on a stick, which brought us the news that our life was about to change--big time! I had been feeling tired and a bit queasy the week before, and my suspicions were confirmed--I was pregnant.

I immediately looked online to see if I could find any information on if/how I should adjust my yoga practice, now that I was pregnant. I found this article, which was pretty useful, and seemed to make sense. I also sent emails to Kiran and Nancy Gilgoff (Kiran's teacher, who Alex and I had practiced with a few times, and who I loved and trusted as much as Kiran) to see if there was information they had to add. There were positions that were to be altered so as not to put pressure on the uterus (Ardha Baddha Padmottanasana, Marichyasana B and D, and others...), as well as postures that would have to be avoided or altered as my mid-section would grow. I felt excited about the changes that were happening to my body and that would happen in my yoga practice, and empowered by the research I had done on how to practice safely during pregnancy. Then the real nausea and the extreme fatigue set in!

Anyone who is reading this is probably well aware that the term "morning sickness" is an unfortunate misnomer. I'm sure there are some lucky women who experience nausea just in the morning, but most pregnant women I've known, who have nausea, are pretty much sick 24-7! I would wake up in the morning and stand on my yoga mat and stare. All I wanted to do was crawl back into bed and nibble on saltines (I was lucky enough to be able to keep food down). After a few weeks of trying to practice, and not really being able to do it, I grew so frustrated that I decided to take a break.

Joanne Darby practicing 2 days before giving birth.
I stopped doing backbends early on in my pregnancy.

Physically, this was necessary, but emotionally, this was a really difficult decision to make. I had heard all about Joanne Darby and many other women who had practiced throughout their entire pregnancies. I would look at photos of Joanne, and I felt like a failure. It feels silly to be writing this now, but I really thought that somehow I was failing my child to not be practicing yoga while I was pregnant. Perhaps part of this was due to hormones, but I also wanted the pregnancy, and everything that was to follow, to go perfectly. Naïve much?

By the time I started up my practice again (8 weeks later), my body was completely different, and it was clear that it would be a long road back to my regular practice. Again with the naïveté--2.5 years later, and I'm still not back to where my practice was pre-pregnancy (let alone pre-Katrina). I have adjusted my definition of "regular practice", and I am thankful to have Ashtanga yoga in my life--no matter how much or how little. Aside from the fact that I had lost some strength over my yoga hiatus, my body had also become heavier and bulkier. I could no longer comfortably do a forward bend with my feet together, and twists felt like trying to wring water out of a sandbag. I tried to be thankful for any day that I was able to do any sort of yoga practice.

Me in Utthita Hasta Padangushthasana at ≈ 7 months

Bakasana

Trying to get into Eka Pada Shirshasana

I also started to do something quite out of my normal character--I started going to non-Ashtanga yoga classes. Part of it was to do yoga, but mostly I wanted to be around other pregnant women. Somewhere along the way we had decided to have our baby at home, and I also thought there might be some relaxation techniques to be learned in a prenatal yoga class. It was a really interesting and wonderful experience for me. I'm usually not open at all to non-Ashtanga classes (not because I think there's anything wrong with them, but because I am happy with the practice I have), but the energy in the room in that first class was amazing. I felt incredibly connected to the other moms-to-be, and to the fetus growing inside of me. During the last month of pregnancy I didn't do much of my Ashtanga practice, but I did continue with the prenatal yoga classes. In fact, the last one was on a Thursday, and our baby girl was born at home three days later. The birth was extraordinarily smooth and pretty quick (5.5 hours total)--but that's a story for another time.