The Stick Shows a Plus Sign!

On Thursday, April 17th, 2008, I peed on a stick, which brought us the news that our life was about to change--big time! I had been feeling tired and a bit queasy the week before, and my suspicions were confirmed--I was pregnant.

I immediately looked online to see if I could find any information on if/how I should adjust my yoga practice, now that I was pregnant. I found this article, which was pretty useful, and seemed to make sense. I also sent emails to Kiran and Nancy Gilgoff (Kiran's teacher, who Alex and I had practiced with a few times, and who I loved and trusted as much as Kiran) to see if there was information they had to add. There were positions that were to be altered so as not to put pressure on the uterus (Ardha Baddha Padmottanasana, Marichyasana B and D, and others...), as well as postures that would have to be avoided or altered as my mid-section would grow. I felt excited about the changes that were happening to my body and that would happen in my yoga practice, and empowered by the research I had done on how to practice safely during pregnancy. Then the real nausea and the extreme fatigue set in!

Anyone who is reading this is probably well aware that the term "morning sickness" is an unfortunate misnomer. I'm sure there are some lucky women who experience nausea just in the morning, but most pregnant women I've known, who have nausea, are pretty much sick 24-7! I would wake up in the morning and stand on my yoga mat and stare. All I wanted to do was crawl back into bed and nibble on saltines (I was lucky enough to be able to keep food down). After a few weeks of trying to practice, and not really being able to do it, I grew so frustrated that I decided to take a break.

Joanne Darby practicing 2 days before giving birth.
I stopped doing backbends early on in my pregnancy.

Physically, this was necessary, but emotionally, this was a really difficult decision to make. I had heard all about Joanne Darby and many other women who had practiced throughout their entire pregnancies. I would look at photos of Joanne, and I felt like a failure. It feels silly to be writing this now, but I really thought that somehow I was failing my child to not be practicing yoga while I was pregnant. Perhaps part of this was due to hormones, but I also wanted the pregnancy, and everything that was to follow, to go perfectly. Naïve much?

By the time I started up my practice again (8 weeks later), my body was completely different, and it was clear that it would be a long road back to my regular practice. Again with the naïveté--2.5 years later, and I'm still not back to where my practice was pre-pregnancy (let alone pre-Katrina). I have adjusted my definition of "regular practice", and I am thankful to have Ashtanga yoga in my life--no matter how much or how little. Aside from the fact that I had lost some strength over my yoga hiatus, my body had also become heavier and bulkier. I could no longer comfortably do a forward bend with my feet together, and twists felt like trying to wring water out of a sandbag. I tried to be thankful for any day that I was able to do any sort of yoga practice.

Me in Utthita Hasta Padangushthasana at ≈ 7 months

Bakasana

Trying to get into Eka Pada Shirshasana

I also started to do something quite out of my normal character--I started going to non-Ashtanga yoga classes. Part of it was to do yoga, but mostly I wanted to be around other pregnant women. Somewhere along the way we had decided to have our baby at home, and I also thought there might be some relaxation techniques to be learned in a prenatal yoga class. It was a really interesting and wonderful experience for me. I'm usually not open at all to non-Ashtanga classes (not because I think there's anything wrong with them, but because I am happy with the practice I have), but the energy in the room in that first class was amazing. I felt incredibly connected to the other moms-to-be, and to the fetus growing inside of me. During the last month of pregnancy I didn't do much of my Ashtanga practice, but I did continue with the prenatal yoga classes. In fact, the last one was on a Thursday, and our baby girl was born at home three days later. The birth was extraordinarily smooth and pretty quick (5.5 hours total)--but that's a story for another time.