A Baby Sign Language Rant

I'd like to start this off by saying that this is in no way a rant about parents who teach "baby sign language" (BSL? Wait, no, that's British Sign Language) to their babies. It is purely a rant about the creation and marketing of "baby sign language" to parents, as opposed to American Sign Language (ASL).

So, why would hearing parents want to teach sign language to their hearing babies? Well, being one of those parents, I can try to answer that. Many toddler tantrums arise from frustration with not being able to communicate what the baby wants. Babies are typically able to sign much earlier than they can speak, so many of these tantrums may be avoided if the baby is able to use sign language as a communication tool. This is probably the basic reason for most parents, though there is also evidence that signing with your baby helps with their brain development as well. I had an additional reason. Since taking numerous ASL and Deaf Culture classes in college, I always dreamed of being able to teach a second language to my children. In my fantasy, I would speak only in ASL and my partner would speak in English--One Parent One Language (OPOL).

And yes, ASL is a language, and it is not universal. Though it wasn't officially "recognized" as a language until around 1960, it was certainly a language far before that! Also, different countries have different sign languages, so you can't necessarily use ASL to communicate with someone in another country--in even the UK. I just wanted to clear those two things up, since even today they seem to be common misconceptions.

While in college, I met some Deaf friends in a karate class, and started hanging out with them and getting involved with the Deaf Community in the San Jose area. My ASL wasn't perfect, but I very quickly developed a passion for the language that I found to be so creative and expressive. Some of the best comedy routines I've seen were signed (though I'm sure I missed some of the jokes) and if you've never seen a theatrical play in ASL, you're really missing out on something spectacular! Stories really come to life when told in ASL. When I moved away from the San Jose area, I stopped signing as often and rapidly started losing my ASL. When I encounter Deaf people today, I am pretty shy, though I do still try to chat a little.

So, what's my beef with "baby sign language", then? My beef is, why not just encourage parents to teach babies ASL? Teaching a baby modified signs or made-up signs is basically speaking in baby-talk. Sure, there is always a word here or there that we make up (Zora calls nursing and my boobs "bubba"), but we primarily speak real languages to our children so that they may grow up and speak those languages, and be able to communicate with others who speak those languages. ASL is no different. If we use ASL words with our babies, then they may grow up being able to communicate with other ASL speakers. I've also read in some "baby sign language" books to not start using the signs until around 6 months, since they won't be able to sign until then. This seems like a silly "rule", since many babies don't talk until around 12 months or later, but we wouldn't dream about waiting until they are ready to talk before we start speaking to them!

So, if you are a parent wanting to sign with your baby, please consider ASL. The signs are easy to learn (though your baby might not sign them the same way you do--just like in English), and unless you already have a made up sign language that you know, you will need to memorize signs--made-up, modified "baby sign language" signs, or ASL.

My sign language journey with Zora doesn't have a happy ending--though I'm hoping it's not over yet. I used many ASL signs with Zora from the beginning. I did not speak in ASL sentences with her though, since my ASL is no longer very good. Zora started signing back at around 10 months, and by 12 months, she had a large ASL vocabulary. By 18 months her verbal language skills started to explode in both English (which I mostly speak with her) and French (which Alex speaks with her). I got lazy with ASL, and stopped using it. She quickly stopped as well. Parenting fail #... oh, I've lost count! Definitely not the dream I had in college. We're not certain, but Alex and I are leaning heavily toward homeschooling Zora, so I'm hoping there will be opportunities there for both her and I to learn ASL again.

I'm interested to hear what others think about this--deaf, hearing, parents or not! Also, if you know of any good ASL-based resources for parents, please list them below in the comments! I never used any resources (other than occasionally looking in an ASL-English dictionary), and the only "baby sign language" books I've seen were not completely ASL. 

Hello Z, goodbye yoga!

Welcome Zora!

Here's one more background post, before I return to the present. I know, it's kind of like a bad movie that keeps jumping around in time. Sorry about that!

On Sunday, November 16, 2008, Zora Rose Hoover Barchechat joined Alex and me in a tub in our living room, and decided to stay. Aside from all the hard work that had been put into getting her here, she was quite cute and cuddly too. We were thrilled. It's not recommended to start Ashtanga again for 3 months after giving birth. This was fine with me, since for the first several weeks after Zora was born, I didn't even think about yoga. When she was about 6 weeks old (before the 3 months!), I did try to practice once, but it definitely didn't feel right for my body, so I stopped.

I did try to start again at around 5 months, but there always seemed to be something standing in my way. For one, I was often completely sleep-deprived. Zora would wake to nurse every 30-60 minutes, and though she was in our bed, so I didn't have to get up, I would still be woken up. Zora was also not too crazy about being set down, so one of us was pretty much always wearing her (usually me)--not conductive to a yoga practice. So I waited some more.

Over Zora's first two years, I started my practice several times--and each time it fizzled out. It was so difficult to practice at home, since Zora would always want to play with me. If we closed the door to the yoga room (yes, we have an entire room devoted to yoga--an advantage to being minimalists), she would pound on the door, wanting in. For a few weeks, when she was around 18 months old, I practiced with her around and she would want to nurse about every 3 minutes--again, not conductive to a yoga practice--especially a vinyasa style yoga.

I have many, many flaws, but one positive trait I have is patience Each time my practice would fizzle out, I decided it was not the right time for me, and I waited.

I knew that practicing outside of the home would be a possibility, but I had not practiced in a yoga shala since Katrina (click for that story), and I didn't think I'd be comfortable practicing with a group of people. Enter BP. No, not the oil spill, but a very good friend of mine who has an adorable baby boy, E, who is 4 months younger than Zora. BP started learning Ashtanga from Alex a few months after E was born. She would periodically come to our house and practice, but once her work schedule and Alex's work schedule no longer synced, she started searching for a studio. There was one not too far from her house (and ours) that offered Ashtanga classes, so BP decided to try it. She invited me to the Sunday led-class, but I was resistant at first since I strongly prefer mysore classes--especially if my practice is feeling "weak". I was also weary of practicing with a new teacher. Finally, I decided to try it out, and felt much less nervous since I would be showing up with BP (I can be painfully shy and socially awkward).

It is now 3.5 months later, and I am still managing to get to the shala twice a week. This is a far cry from the 6-day-a-week practice I had before, but it also beats the no-practice practice I've had over the past two years! The teacher, SP, has a style very reminiscent of Kiran and Nancy. She has been totally supportive of me adding postures back slowly and gently, while also pushing me at times. I started out doing half of the primary series, and fairly quickly added on the rest of the postures, and the longer closing sequence. For the past two months, I've been adding the intermediate postures and I now go as far as parshva dhanurasana. BP and I go together every Sunday to the led class, and I love being able to do that with a friend--very motivating! Next Friday, which is New Year's Eve, there will be a shala breakfast after the mysore class. Alex and Zora will be joining us for the breakfast, as well as BP's family. I love feeling part of a yoga community again!

One more day with Nancy...

My modified Savasana

On Friday we got to go once more to Nancy's. It was Alex's day to be "on deck" with Zora, so I could practice in peace. We knew it wouldn't quite work out like that, since I'm the one with the "bubba" (boobs). We set Zora up between us, and she spent much of the time playing with her toys--which she was really excited to show to Nancy and Casie! My practice went well, and I was able to do the entire primary series. I decided not to push it and not continue onto the intermediate series. Zora also spent some time working on her adjustments, which often included climbing on me. My favorite posture to be adjusted in is baddha konasana, and just as Nancy headed over to adjust me, Zora beat her to it and climbed on my back. Nancy ended up still adjusting me, through Zora, by pushing on Zora's back. It was pretty funny!

As a bonus, Nancy invited us to her house for breakfast after mysore class. It was really interesting talking with her about her own daughter's childhood growing up around Ashtanga yoga. Nancy also introduced us to tahini and apple butter together on a bagel--I highly recommend this combination!

I so wish that Zora could regularly come with us to mysore classes, but it's not likely to work out where we live. I have been inspired, however, to practice more at home, with Zora around. I will still practice outside of the home, so my practice can continue to progress (and I can get back into the intermediate series), but I really see the value for Zora and for me having yoga be something we share. Today I practiced alone (Alex was out doing errands) in our Maui apartment with Zora there.  She stood with me during the prayer, then she went off to play with her blocks and "mans" (her little people). At one point I asked her to come give me an adjustment in a posture. She said "I'm busy playin', mama. One minute!" After a few minutes, she came over and put her hands on me in prasarita padottanasana A. It felt really nice. I only got through the standing postures, but it felt so good to have that connection with Zora. My "home shala" in Seattle will be closed until New Year's Eve, so I will definitely have the opportunity to experiment with more of a home practice when we return from Maui--in two days :-(

Z's First Mysore Class

Zora attended her first mysore class this morning. Just the fact that Zora (25 months tomorrow--or 2 years 1 month for those of you who don't like to count in months) was welcomed with open arms into Nancy's class adds to why I love Nancy Gilgoff so much! That's right, mysore with Nancy means that we're on Maui right now! Alex and I have attended a few of Nancy's workshops in various locations, and have always loved practicing with her. I truly feel blessed to know her and to have had my practice touched by her. It felt really special to practice at her shala.

When we let Nancy know we'd be in Maui, we told her that we both wanted a chance to practice at her shala, so we were planning on taking turns (one staying home with Zora while one went to the shala). Nancy said that her shala had seen many children and that Zora was more than welcome to join us. My home practice has been pretty much non-existent since Zora was born. I typically need to get out of the house if I want to do a full practice, so I didn't have high expectations, though I was willing to try. Alex and I decided that today I'd be "in charge" of Zora, meaning that I would practice, but if it was obviously not working out, I would stop my practice and take her out to play. Next time it will be Alex's turn.

When we arrived at the shala (after a wrong turn, but a very nice man with a wave tattoo on his shoulder set us straight--even though he insisted that he knew of no such yoga studio!), Nancy wasn't there yet, but several of her students were. They were all very friendly with Zora, and we set my mat up in the corner of the room and put out a few toys and books for her. Next Nancy's assistant Casie arrived, and gave us, and especially Zora, a very warm welcome. Then Nancy arrived, and it was really wonderful to see her again, and to get to introduce her an Zora to each other.

Zora "adjusting" me in baddha konasana at home

Zora and I played outside while the class did some meditation and then the opening prayer (which Zora totally recognized and wanted to go in and join them!). When they were all done, Nancy invited us back in, and I began my practice. For the first few minutes, Zora just sat and stared--dumbfounded! If you have never been in a mysore class, you should try it sometime. The energy is amazing. Zora has seen Alex practice quite a bit, and me somewhat, but she has never been in a room full of practitioners. The breath alone is a powerful force. Zora was also intrigued by Nancy and Casie who were walking around the room giving people adjustments. While I was in utthita parshvakonasana, Zora put her two hands on my hips and said "I'm holding you, Mama". It was the first adjustment I've received from her, aside from when she climbs on top of me during a posture. She also sat on my lap during navasana, which made the posture pretty much impossible. She told me "I want to sit in your boat", which is funny because navasana is the boat posture.

This was the first time I met Casie, and I immediately trusted her and felt comfortable with her adjustments. She has different adjustments from Nancy, but the energy is very similar, in that they are both very nurturing. Casie really won me over though, in the way she interacted with Zora. She was so sweet with her, and kept playing with Zora and talking with her (all the while, still going around the room and giving adjustments). I felt nervous a few times that Zora's chatter might be bothering some of the other practitioners, but Casie kept assuring me that it was fine. Zora is typically quite careful when on the back of my mat, and will ask "Are you jumping back, mama?", so she can get out of the way. Today though, Zora started doing her own jump-backs! She started off jumping back and landing on her knees (which seems like it would be painful, but she was fine), then Casie showed her how to land on her feet. It was really sweet!

After class, several of the students remarked how cute Zora was (who wouldn't think that?), and how fun it was having her in class. Nancy also mentioned how important she thinks it is to have kids in class from time to time so that the practitioners don't take themselves too seriously. As a parent, it feels really wonderful to have places where my daughter is welcome. We don't live in a very child-centered or parent-supported culture, so it's easy to feel like an inconvenience to others. I am grateful to have had this experience today.

My plan had been to make it through the sun salutations, and perhaps most of the standing postures, if things were going well with Zora. In the end, I made it all the way to supta kurmasana, before I knew it was time to start the closing (I did the short closing). I really can't believe I made it that far! Now, if I can only figure out how to get Nancy and Casie to our house every morning to adjust me and play with Zora--that would make for a really great home-practice!

The Stick Shows a Plus Sign!

On Thursday, April 17th, 2008, I peed on a stick, which brought us the news that our life was about to change--big time! I had been feeling tired and a bit queasy the week before, and my suspicions were confirmed--I was pregnant.

I immediately looked online to see if I could find any information on if/how I should adjust my yoga practice, now that I was pregnant. I found this article, which was pretty useful, and seemed to make sense. I also sent emails to Kiran and Nancy Gilgoff (Kiran's teacher, who Alex and I had practiced with a few times, and who I loved and trusted as much as Kiran) to see if there was information they had to add. There were positions that were to be altered so as not to put pressure on the uterus (Ardha Baddha Padmottanasana, Marichyasana B and D, and others...), as well as postures that would have to be avoided or altered as my mid-section would grow. I felt excited about the changes that were happening to my body and that would happen in my yoga practice, and empowered by the research I had done on how to practice safely during pregnancy. Then the real nausea and the extreme fatigue set in!

Anyone who is reading this is probably well aware that the term "morning sickness" is an unfortunate misnomer. I'm sure there are some lucky women who experience nausea just in the morning, but most pregnant women I've known, who have nausea, are pretty much sick 24-7! I would wake up in the morning and stand on my yoga mat and stare. All I wanted to do was crawl back into bed and nibble on saltines (I was lucky enough to be able to keep food down). After a few weeks of trying to practice, and not really being able to do it, I grew so frustrated that I decided to take a break.

Joanne Darby practicing 2 days before giving birth.
I stopped doing backbends early on in my pregnancy.

Physically, this was necessary, but emotionally, this was a really difficult decision to make. I had heard all about Joanne Darby and many other women who had practiced throughout their entire pregnancies. I would look at photos of Joanne, and I felt like a failure. It feels silly to be writing this now, but I really thought that somehow I was failing my child to not be practicing yoga while I was pregnant. Perhaps part of this was due to hormones, but I also wanted the pregnancy, and everything that was to follow, to go perfectly. Naïve much?

By the time I started up my practice again (8 weeks later), my body was completely different, and it was clear that it would be a long road back to my regular practice. Again with the naïveté--2.5 years later, and I'm still not back to where my practice was pre-pregnancy (let alone pre-Katrina). I have adjusted my definition of "regular practice", and I am thankful to have Ashtanga yoga in my life--no matter how much or how little. Aside from the fact that I had lost some strength over my yoga hiatus, my body had also become heavier and bulkier. I could no longer comfortably do a forward bend with my feet together, and twists felt like trying to wring water out of a sandbag. I tried to be thankful for any day that I was able to do any sort of yoga practice.

Me in Utthita Hasta Padangushthasana at ≈ 7 months

Bakasana

Trying to get into Eka Pada Shirshasana

I also started to do something quite out of my normal character--I started going to non-Ashtanga yoga classes. Part of it was to do yoga, but mostly I wanted to be around other pregnant women. Somewhere along the way we had decided to have our baby at home, and I also thought there might be some relaxation techniques to be learned in a prenatal yoga class. It was a really interesting and wonderful experience for me. I'm usually not open at all to non-Ashtanga classes (not because I think there's anything wrong with them, but because I am happy with the practice I have), but the energy in the room in that first class was amazing. I felt incredibly connected to the other moms-to-be, and to the fetus growing inside of me. During the last month of pregnancy I didn't do much of my Ashtanga practice, but I did continue with the prenatal yoga classes. In fact, the last one was on a Thursday, and our baby girl was born at home three days later. The birth was extraordinarily smooth and pretty quick (5.5 hours total)--but that's a story for another time.

Katrina Ate My Yoga Practice

At the time Katrina was nearing New Orleans, Alex was actually at a yoga workshop in Montreal with Darby. UNO had already started classes, so I was still in town. We didn't own a car, but a colleague of Alex's dropped his second car off at our house before he and his wife evacuated. I wasn't planning on evacuating, since I had done it before and found it to be hassle. To make a long story short, I ended up evacuating at the last minute, thanks to Kiran (she called me in the middle of the night insisting that I leave). This was a good plan, since we had about 7 feet of water in our neighborhood. I drove with our two cats, Zecky and Kaya, to my brother's place in Memphis. After several days of telling me that his flight back to New Orleans was delayed, Alex finally agreed that the flight was probably not going to happen, and he flew to Memphis. We call the next month of our life:

We stayed a little over a week at my brother's house, but needed to find somewhere more permanent to stay, since it looked like we wouldn't be able to go back home any time soon. We decided that we'd head up to Montreal and stay in Alex's grandmother's apartment (she was not there at the time) until we figured out what to do. We also needed to return the car to Alex's colleague, who was heading to Ann Arbor, Michigan, so, we drove north. Our next stop was my uncle's house in Illinois. We stayed there for a week, and while we were there, we received an email from the chair of the math department at UC Davis (where we both went to grad school), offering us (pity) positions for the year. We didn't know if our universities in New Orleans would be re-opening any time soon, so we decided to accept the positions. We still needed to return the car though, so we packed up and continued on to Ann Arbor. There we were lucky enough to be lodged by our good friend's mother (also a math nerd)!

Needless to say, all this traveling and stress made it difficult to focus on yoga. We were used to practicing at our shala in New Orleans, and it was hard to motivate ourselves for a home(less) practice. There was an Ashtanga shala in Ann Arbor, and we were very grateful to be able to practice in a group again--if only for a couple days.

From Ann Arbor, we left for California, where we stayed another week or so with my mom and step-dad in Sebastopol, before we could find an apartment in Davis. We were very aware of how fortunate we were--jobs, a home, each other, but it was also a really hard time. On the bright side, it was the easiest moving day we've ever experienced. We walked in the door of our new place with two suitcases and our two cat carriers, set them down and that was that! It had been a little over a month since I left New Orleans.

There was no Ashtanga shala in Davis, so thus began our home practice. We had a small linoleum area where the kitchen table would go (if we had one), and it was there that we would practice. For a good year after Katrina, I was pretty depressed, and this affected my practice greatly. On the other hand, my yoga practice helped with the depression.

After spending a year in Davis, it was time for us to find new jobs, and we did, in Seattle. We packed ourselves and the kitties up once again and made the move up north. There were a couple Ashtanga shalas in Seattle, but with my new job, and the need to commute by bus, I maintained my home practice. It had already been a year, and I had grown accustomed to practicing on my own (Alex often went to a yoga shala). I did try two of the shalas a couple times, but it was overwhelming and distracting with all the other bodies in the room. I also had some negative experiences with teachers, and I didn't feel in a place where I could put trust into someone new. Even though it is more difficult to motivate yourself for a home practice, I really did enjoy the quiet and the stillness.

Up next: The Stick Shows a Plus Sign!

How it all began (yoga-wise)

I started taking yoga classes about 16 years ago, when I was 18 (if you're interested in math, you can do a little to figure out how old I am). I have always had back issues and the classes I took would help with the pain. The style of yoga didn't matter much to me. In fact, I probably wasn't even aware that there were different styles, or traditions. As much as I loved the classes I took, I never really progressed in my practice. I'm not naturally flexible (couldn't even touch my toes!) or strong (aside from my right bicep, from working a year at Baskin-Robbins), and I didn't gain much flexibility or strength from practicing yoga. Enter New Orleans.

My partner, Alex, and I moved to New Orleans in 2003 for Alex's math post-doc at Tulane (yes, he's also a math nerd). I managed to get a lectureship at UNO, and to convince Alex to take a yoga class with me. We took one at the rec. center at Tulane, and it was ok. Sometime in the winter, we went to a math department party, and Alex was talking with a colleague who was practicing Ashtanga Yoga. We weren't familiar with it, and she compared it to Power Yoga, which completely turned me off.  I wasn't interested in an aerobics class trying to pass for a yoga class! Alex was interested though, so he decided to do the introductory class. He went once and enjoyed it, and asked me to join him the next time. His description of the class sounded ok to me, so I agreed. Enter Kiran.

I immediately fell in love with Kiran. Aside from being incredibly knowledgeable about yoga and Ashtanga in particular, she also knew the human body very well and knew when to push and when to back off. Ashtanga teachers tend to be pretty hands-on when it comes to adjustments--physically moving your body, rather than talking to you about where your body should be. Kiran had a really good sense of the energy running through the body as well, and for me, her adjustments were not just moving parts of my body, but moving energy too. I consider myself to be extremely fortunate to have had Kiran as my first Ashtanga teacher. She spoiled me for most other teachers, which made things difficult in the future, but I'm glad to have such standards. I think this has kept my body safe (for the most part) and it has kept my practice from turning into something that I didn't want it to be (competitive, analytical, purely physical, etc.).

So, back to the intro class: Kiran not only introduced us to the physical practice, but also presented the history of Ashtanga, as well as the other limbs (there are 8). The practice was intense, but she started us off gradually and I actually found myself becoming stronger and more limber than I had ever been. We began with the sun salutations (Surya Namaskara A & B), and then each Sunday Kiran would add new postures. Alex and I would also attend the evening mysore class a few times each week. By the end of the first month, we had the standing postures under our belts. At some point we switched to the morning classes (6am!) so that we could practice at the shala 6 days a week.

At this time, there was a little bit of fun competition between Alex and me, though it was never real because he is way stronger and way more flexible than me. My one claim to fame is my long, monkey arms, which allowed me to get into Marichyasana D the first time I tried it. Meanwhile, it took Alex a while for his hands to meet. We progressed through the Primary Series postures over the summer, and began the Intermediate Series in the fall. The furthest I've gone in the Intermediate Series is Supta Urdhva Pada Vajrasana, but Alex does the old Advanced A Series, which is mostly the new Advanced A Series, and some of new B.  So, here we were, happily trucking along with our Ashtanga practice, loving Kiran, the shala, our fellow practitioners and New Orleans. Enter Katrina.

Hurricane Katrina arrived, and threw the first big wrench into my practice--along with mucking up other things for us, the rest of New Orleans and much of the Gulf coast.

Up next: Katrina Ate My Yoga Practice
Also, I promise to get to mommying soon!

Why am I here?

There was torrential rain going on outside this morning during mysore class. The room has a large skylight, so we could hear the rain coming down--and it was loud! It brought me back to the last shala where I used to practice, in New Orleans. We would often have thunderstorms going on outside as we practiced, and I loved the way I felt part of the outdoors, even though I was inside. I started thinking about all that's happened in my life since my practice first started in New Orleans, and all that's happened in my practice. I know, this is not what you're supposed to be thinking about during practice, but that's just part of who I am now--thinking whenever I get the chance--which is not often! As I continued with the primary series postures, I decided that I wanted to start writing about my experiences, trying to revive and maintain a yoga practice, while being a full-time mama to a two-year-old. Hopefully somewhere along the way, someone will read these words and I will be able to connect with others out there in the yoga world and the parent world who have their own stories to share.

I'm going to start off by posting some of my yoga background, and then get into what my practice was like during pregnancy, after pregnancy, and beyond.

Disclaimer: I'd like to be very clear that I'm not an especially good writer (I'm a mathematician by trade), so if that's what you're looking for, you might be in the wrong place!